Alice could not reach the doorknob.
Shrunk down so small, Alice saw no relief in sight.
And then what should appear but a little bottle by her bed.
“Drink me.” It said.
And so she did.
And on the table was a little cake.
“Eat me.” It said.
And so she did.
She opened up like a telescope and shot up like a shooting star. Her neck stretched; her legs grew. Her head burst through the ceiling. Her arms burst through the windows. Her feet stuck out the door.
Welcome to Wonderland.
Welcome to my world.
Take a little bit of this and a little bit of that until you get your bipolar brain just right.
So before I lay me down to sleep — I wash down three little pills with a glass of water:
One little pill to — balance my brain;
One little pill to — help me sleep;
One little pill to — keep me this side of crazy;
A mood stabilizer; a soporific; and an antipsychotic.
I have got this thing down to a science. I am a walking, talking miracle of science.
But the recipe for this little cocktail is not written in stone. Every once in a while I need to have my head examined. Yes, literally have my head examined by a board certified psycho-pharmacologist. And then re-examined.
But we are not just a pile of chemicals. Being organic, every little aspect of our being has a bearing on our brains.
So like going to Jiffy Lube, my doctor peers down at his clip board and runs my brain through the 39 point checklist:
“How much shuteye have you gotten lately?”
“Well, doctor, less and less”.
“When was the last time you took a run around the block?”
“Well actually, doctor, I’ve been doing that more and more”.
“What have you been eating for breakfast?”
“Well, doctor, I am crazy about breakfast. I eat it three times a day.”
“How about your workload?”
“It’s great, doctor, but I rarely say ‘no’.”
“How is your love life?”
“What love life?”
“How are your finances?”
The measure of my moods is the balance in my checking account. And recently when it comes to money I have gotten way out of balance.
At first my spending seems most sensible.
For water aerobics, a new bathing suit – and then a new pool bag and water shoes to match. Of course, they have to match.
And then another bathing suit, just because.
For walking that next half marathon, new running shoes — and then new socks, new tights, new jacket, new hat. Of course, they have to match.
Two new dresses just because.
And just because I was traveling: new slippers, new scarf, new coat. And of course, they have to match.
And just because I love to read, a new e-book, a new real book, new bookmarks.
And because it is cold — new boots.
And because they might break — a new toilet, a new washer, a new dryer.
You get the idea!
And o by the way, walking, and swimming, and half marathon-ing this last year — I have lost weight equal to that of a small child or two. (And yes, I look amazing! Thank you for noticing!)
Money matters out of whack. Metabolism redefined. It’s time to get my head re-examined. And even though I know I should, this is something I am wont to do.
Feeling fabulous, I regularly drop by my therapist’s office to tell her so. But I am neglectful of my visits to the psycho-pharmacologist.
Who needs to go to the doctor — when you’ve got this down to a science?
Medication may be only a small part of being marvelous. But an important part it is. And when there is a big change in your life; you may just need a little change to your prescription cocktail.
One pill makes you smaller; one pill makes you tall. And when you are not sure —
Make an appointment with Dr. Alice. I am sure she’ll know.